Clarets mascot Bertie Bee faces the axe

The latest guidelines from football’s ruling body mean that Burnley’s cuddly mascot could be swatted.

A Gloucester Place insider told me today that some of the more ridiculous mascots could be about to be unstuffed.

Otjers face the axe because they are just too silly, some because they just don’t make sense.

And others, like Bertie, could be on their way out because they are historically inaccurate.

Berties, originally stems from a Burnley Express competition and has been the matchday mascot for two decades.

He has had his spell in the limelight for rugby tackling a fan encroaching on the pitch and has also been arrested and locked up in the Turf Moor cells.

Now the outcome of a Premier League undercover operation has revealed that he has to go.

The reason? Simple, the stinging insect on the club crest is a hornet and not a bee.

“That kind of inaccuracy might be OK for the Football league, but it is no good for us,” said the Premier League whistle-blower.

Other mascots which could be in trouble include Gunnersaurus Rex, the Arsenal mascot. The same insider said: “The only reason we can see this making sense is that dinosaurs roamed the earth when the current Arsenal manager was appointed,”

Roary the Lion at Middlesbrough and Roary the Tiger from Hull face a fight to be king of the jungle, although they are probably not going to matter next season as far as the Premier League is concerned.

And Changy the Elephant is already being shown the door at Goodison for being just too commercial, no doubt to be replaced by Pete the Peardop.

Fans can have their say by commenting on this story and we will send the comments to the relevant authorities, but comments must be in before noon today.

Meanwhile, the latest slap in the face from Europe has arrived on the Turf Moor doormat.

Tom Hark is back.

You might remember that the after-goal music was voted out by fans back in the summer.

But the plight of slumbering or drunken fans has sparked the European Union to act.

Now Tom Hark will blare out at full volume after every goal in all professional football matches to wake people from their stupor or slumbers so they can enjoy the goal.

In the past the music was only played after goals by home teams, but now in a move likely to annoy teams which consistently lose at home, it is to be played after all goals, including successful spot kicks in penalty shoot-outs which will only prolong the agony.

EU spokesman Larslo Pia-Fody said: “We have become increasingly aware that many people watch the game at home and are often tired, bored or drunk when they tune in.

“We have had many complaints that people at home are missing goals and we have decided to act.

“Now when Tom Hark is played, all television sets tuned in to the game will automatically go to full volume so that people can wake up and watch the replays.

“We are going to trial it with Burnley matches. We know this will annoy the fans, but Burnley are one of the few clubs where nearly all the fans live within walking distance of the ground and, as the town and the neighbouring boroughs all voted for Brexit, we have decided to kick them in the unmentionables for the next two years at least.”

Fans can have their say by commenting on this story and we will send the comments to the relevant authorities, but comments must be in before noon today.

APRIL FOOLS!