Regrets... I've had a few but then again that's life |Tracey Smith
While I am on annual leave this week. I’ve had time on my hands to sit and reflect on my life, past and present.
I like my life. I won’t go as far to say I love it!
Yes, I have my health, three wonderful childrenm a loving fiancé and some really great friends. However, now that I have turned 52, I have the odd regret. Mostly life choices, but don’t we all?
When my mum was saying to me as a teenager, you must try hard at school then you can have a good career. I didn’t listen. I wanted to go and hang out with my mates. I had no time to revise. And yes, I absolutely regret this.
I have done ok with my career and have worked for the NHS for 33 years. Could I have progressed more? Yes of course but with not many qualifications that was not possible. After having three children I wanted to become a midwife. Something I was passionate about at last!!
My marriage ended and I was a single mum with three children, one being 18 months old, so going back to university was on the back burner and my full time career continued.
Now at 52 years old my children have almost flown the nest, my get up and go has got up and gone and the
countdown to my retirement has begun.
I have other regrets. Like being 14 and not wearing my brace that my dentist said I had to wear all day!
I was at school; kids love to torment. It was a huge mental monstrosity that clicked in and out of my mouth and collected every bit of food I ate! Do I wish I’d persevered and wore the horrible thing? Yes, of course, but at the time kissing boys was more important than straightening my now wonky teeth!! So, it stayed put in my blazer pocket.
I regret not dumping horrible boyfriends that crushed my confidence. But now I see this as a lesson in life. I also regret not saying sorry, when I have been wrong (but I am a stubborn Taurean to my detriment).
Not being able to say goodbye to people that have passed. Not saying yes to more invitations. I could go on forever.
After saying all this, I am happy with my lot. I love my job and the people who I have met throughout my NHS career. I have become a very strong person while being mum and dad to my children and learnt so much.
I have learnt to love myself for who I am, even though I have many flaws. My life isn’t exciting but I try to make it so. I try to be a better person and to understand people more even if I don’t agree with their beliefs or ideals. I have also decided not to have any more regrets.
Only to enjoy my life with my partner and see my children grow up and support my parents. It’s a rocky road
but that’s life.