Samantha Murray insists she will come back fighting next year after her disappointment at the World Modern Pentathlon Championships in Kaoshiung, Chinese Taipei.
Amid postponements due to Typhoon Trami, she helped win team gold with Great Britain, and was cruelly denied silver in the mixed team relay after a disputed penalty on a kit protocol issue.
But the West Bradford athlete finished 14th in the individual competition.
Samantha felt her shooting let her down, and she said: “Taking team gold was the highlight.
“Collectively, we had consistent and strong performances across five disciplines, which shows that we are doing the right work in both training and preparations.
“But, personally, I am really ashamed and disappointed with myself. This is the third time this season that I’ve started the combined (four shoots and four 800m runs) in the medals, and all three times my shooting has not been up to the mark.
“I’m insecure about my shooting, and when under pressure, my face and eyes seem to glaze over and not communicate with the messages from my brain. Anxiety can bring out strange reactions in us, and this time, mine was a blank, zoned out one.
“It was a tough journey due to the extreme weather conditions, and we experienced a typhoon. Asia is tricky for European athletes anyway, but it was made even more stressful and unpredictable.
“The day after my two-day long final, I competed for a fifth day in a row - I did question my sanity - in the mixed relay. I was ready to finish the season on a positive. I did everything well, and even shot like a champion, reminding myself of what I can do when I am present in my performance. I am now exhausted and around 3kg lighter than when I left the UK.
“This setback has given me that hunger for success next season. I’m a fighter!”
Samantha is now taking a welcome break after a manic year or so, with last year’s World bronze and Olympic silver medal successes followed by her graduation from Bath University with her BA (Hons) in French and Politics.
She added: “I took the high speed train to Taipei on Monday, found myself a big glass of wine and then boarded the plane to Bali.
“I’m going to make my way over three weeks to my final destination, Singapore, and then fly back to London in a few weeks.”
She would like to thank Bowker Mini for their continued support, as well as The Pink Jersey for sponsoring the GB women’s team kit.